Christmas Part II, When I Met Santa

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When I was a kid a I was a smart, inquisitive, curious lad who was interested in finding out about the world all around him. Ok really I was really a wise-ass know-it-all, who asked a lot of questions, but a lot has changed since then…

My grandmother had a job for Exxon and she worked in the city. Now I know the rest of you have your own the city, but you’re all just posers ok so accept it. The only real the city is Manhattan, and the rest of you who use it incorrectly annoy those of us who do, got it.

So anyway, it was sometime in December, we were going to go to the city to see the tree at Rockefeller Center, visit my grandma for lunch, and go see Santa Claus at some department store afterwards. It was Sunday night and we watched Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom and the Wonderful World of Disney that was on right after it. The shows had ended and my parents were trying to get my sister and I to go to bed. I however wanted nothing to do with it, in fact I was downright ornery. Eventually however exhaustion overcame me and I fell asleep.

The next morning we woke up and took the train to the city. I don’t remember anything about the trip being that memorable. However after lunch we were going to see Santa. I was about 7 and was at the stage where I was starting to question the reality of this whole Santa Claus thing. I mean c’mon there were all sorts of logic flaws that even a 7 year old can spot. We went to see Santa and it was a pretty typical visit. However at the end visit in that eerie kind of twiglight zone moment of complete clarity and single focus Santa set me down placed his arm on my shoulder, looked me square in the eye and said “I know what you were doing last night. I know you didn’t list to your Mom and Dad and go to sleep when you were supposed to.” Now mind you I had been on the lookout for them to try something funny and clue the big man in, but my parents didn’t prep him. It was just wired, it was like he channeling or something. I gulped. He then gave me a finger wagging and said something about not acting up and listening to my parents, but the point was made, as far as I was concerned THERE WAS A SANTA CLAUS AND HE DID KNOW WHEN YOU’VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD!

Christmas Part III, Santa in Boxer Shorts

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